---------------------------------------------
17-7-2026
LONG TIME NO SEE, MY FRIEND. AGAIN. OH MY GOD IT'S BEEN 5 MONTHS.
i sincerely apologize for my absence, my dear traveller. i have been going on too many sidequests lately, and i'm still continuing to do so...
had my first real big people exhibition... (big big big appreciation for the organizors) it was truly such a beautiful experience - the people, the art, everything. it made me more sure about my answer to the question - do i really want to be an artist as a "career"? - yes. i do.
however, i still experience doubt from time to time. i've been noticing that since in my head, i know i want to do this as a "thing" that is supposed to bring me somewhere and keep me alive, and that i will be dependent on other people's opinions of my art, i've been much more strict with myself.
now, everything i do has to be good
and i like making things good, interesting. i love coming up with big concepts and translating that into physical or digital or literary works.
i like being lost in all the details
the thing is, though, that this has narrowed my vision to an extent in which it is getting exhausting. i keep forcing myself into a box, while at the same time brainstorming about ideas that are about that exact thing.
we are, in so many other ways too, our own prison.
also another thing:
give it up for impostor syndrome!!! woooohooooo! yessss make some noise!
ha. ha. ha.
so that's something i've been realizing as summer break is in full swing now.
so let's all make some shitty art! i honestly think that shitty art is the most artistic thing there is, because you're literally letting your mind roam free, with zero expectations.
not everything has to tell a story.
and who knows, maybe you create something shitty which becomes a catalyst for a bigger idea?
sometimes we just have to take a step back, start slower, and just trust the process.

-Joost Klein

a month ago, i watched the Backrooms movie. i was very intrigued, a few years back i had a little bit of a backrooms phase, and the fact that it was a youtuber who had created this whole storyline online and had managed to make it into a movie this big, continiuing to tell that story was so cool. i especially liked the (accidental?) resemblance of the backrooms with generative ai and how it criticized it.
i was hooked.
until i watched the actual movie.
believe me, it was good. very good.
but it was a horror movie.
a very good one at that.
i think you can see where i'm going with this?
it's been a month of me not being able to get to the bathroom at night. even an almost-panic attack when i was home alone.
basically, i've been scarred for life. fake clarke or AKA captain clarke, the tall scary doppleganger of the main character clarke has been HAUNTING me.
it was bad.
but then, i watched arcane. i already knew it, but hadn't watched it until a colleague had recommended it to me a week or two ago.
i watched the two-season series in two days (yes, i stayed up until 5 AM no judgment) and uhm...
well, let's just say in short, that it has healed me. kind of.
my favourite character HAS to be Vi... i resonate with her so much, and i've been in such similar situations as her. her strength (mental and physical) has inspired me a lot
since then, i've been fighting fake clarke, instead of running away from him
give it up for Vi, people.
gotta go now, i'm not even going to read through this before posting this, this is raw material straight from my brain.
enjoy.
i mean- i hope you enjoyed.
byeeeeee

---------------------------------------------
16-2-2026
LONG TIME NO SEE, MY FRIEND.
it's only been a month... wait no i am actually very sorry for the nonexistent people who have been waiting for a WHOOOOOOOOOOLE MONTH for an update of my very interesting life.
haha no but there has been a lot going on.
i was talking to my therapist last time, reflecting on a particular thing that has left some... scars.
and we talked about maybe writing it down from beginning to end.
and i think that is something that is a very underrated form of, i don't know... therapy? healing? processing?
i guess i have been religiously believing in the power of creation lately, and i genuinely think it is so important for us as humans to create. whatever it is, creation is an outlet, a method of self-expression that describes things better than simple words or conversations ever could.
so please, for the love of yourself and for humanity, CREATE.
expression is the opposite from depression (yes. i got that from pinterest, but it's true)

i guess i just wanted to put this out there. if you're struggling with something from the past, maybe creating something with it might help bringing some closure. i'm currently writing a story of it, and even though it is not something beautiful or well-written or easy (please take it slow if you decide to do this, it definitely wasn't easy for me), i do feel lighter in a way. putting it on paper or a canvas or a song or whatever really puts things into perspective...
anyway, that was my rant about the importance of creation and how it can help us with the processing of... events.
take care!

wait i still want to write
soooooooooooo about creation.... creativity.... hobbies.
i have just extended my never-ending list of hobbies/interests.
i miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight have gotten an electric guitar...
and i might have discorvered a love for tattoos
and i might have broken through my endless cycle of indecisiveness for what i want to study
and i might have been obsessed with my upcoming D&D campaign lately...
and i might have rediscovered my potentially hidden talent for metal screaming during karaoke...
and i might have then discovered slipknot
and i might have decided to sadly give up on my eurovision 2026 boycott due to the songs being too good... (I FEEL LIKE A TRAITOR BUT THE LOVE I FEEL IS TOO STRONG I'M SO FUCKED)
and i might have started a portrait of bartholomue gingersnap III which at this moment is horrifyingly creepy...
and i might be considering redoing the layout of this site...
and i might have ran through my street today with flour all over my face...
and i might be prioritizing my hobbies and campaign over my testweek that is ONGOING right now...
i might be doing too many things...
i might be considering doing more things though...
i'm so fucked....................

---------------------------------------------
16-2-2026
Hello!!!!!!!
I've been doing better lately, carnival break has been nice to me :DDDD
so i have been rereading the book on digital minimalism lately.........
yes.
just yes.
Cal Newport has slayed this one. Published in 2019, more relevant than ever in 2026.
Digital Minimalism: an approach on technology where you only engage in activities that are deeply rooted in your values and in which you try to gain as much benefits as possible without the negatives. AKA taking what you need from technology and "happily missing out on everything else".
Core principles: clutter is costly, optimization is important and intentionality is significant (or something in that sense).
If i tell you that this book has literally changed my life, i am not kidding. I swear on my.. uh... i swear on my phone (i will happily lose my phone though...).
for real, i have been looking differently at technology, craft, literature, silence, time, companies and psychology in a completely different way.
Being intentional with how you manage your technological devices and adopting a new approach to that can cause HUGE benefits.

and do we really want to live our lives... distracted? sucked in an infinite scrolling device? brainrotted? brainwashed?
do we really want to sacrifice our mental health for... reels or tiktok videos? Constantly comparing ourselves to a fake reality that is being fed to us by a machine that has been designed to keep us hooked for as long as possible, just so that 1% can live in their million-dollar mansions and have 10 cars?
I certainly don't. I don't think you want to either.

so... why am I here then? sitting with a bad posture, writing something that probably nobody will read, knowing that writing on paper is much more satisfying.
FIRST, i have a physical journal, so no, you don't know my whole life story heehee
SECOND: i do this as a craft. this is a hobby. this is not me consuming media, mindlessly.
it is about the intentionality, about the craft and self-expression. I am here because i genuinely love the neocities community, want to express myself and just have my little spot on the internet.
this might not align with every value in digital minimalism, but that is not the point. It is not a diet that you must follow in order to fix all of your relationship problems with your phone.
it is a way of thinking.
YOU can implement that way of thinking however you want in your life. there is no right or wrong, it is your life, after all.
So what i'm getting at here, is that... digital minimalism is really cool, and i really recommend it to anybody who wants to regain control in their lives!
:D

---------------------------------------------
3-2-2026
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
sorry the letter b on my keyboard isn't exactly keying...
but okay, i kinda wanna get into something more serious today...
I've just been noticing so much blatant homophobia lately. No, not online. there too actually, but i'm talking in real life. It's not directed at me, perhaps not even intended as homophobic, but hearing people joke that someone is gay, that something is gay, that something is weird because it's gay or making fun of a coming out scene because it is 'cringe', is starting to get extremely exhausting. I don't know if it has been increasing for real, but i'm definitely getting more exposed to it. Which seems to really be taking a toll on me.
i don't know, i just needed to get this out. i hope you guys know that our community is worth more than what people like that have to say about us.
you are not alone, and i will remind myself that i am not alone too.

---------------------------------------------
9-1-2026
well well well... it's been a while, hasn't it?
life has been... living? well, not amazingly, but you know, life.
holidays were nice, school has started again.
lots of projects, both for school as personal and i'm kinda struggling to find the balance between those, while also realising i have so many other things to do: finding a job, climbing/bouldering for an extra time every week, SCHOOL, personal ahem things i'm struggling with, SCHOOL, SCHOOL, SCHOOL, friends (about this i'm not complaining), family (this too), i don't even know. it's not that much, but it's still a LOT.
Yep.
don't really know what to write anymore
am i supposed to write about my own life in here?
well, i can
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO!!!
i really want to go write full-on essays or yap sessions about interesting topics in here, i just.... idk... ONE DAY I SHALL COMMENCE THIS TRADITION OF PUTTING MY OPINIONS OUT THERE, ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB (I HAVE A LOT)

---------------------------------------------
20-12-2025
hello...
ONCE AGAIN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHH THIS WAS EXACTLY THE SAME WITH THE ABOUT ME PAGE.
BUT NOW I CANNOT ASK ANYBODY FOR HELP. MAYBE I JUST NEED TO GO TO SLEEP... I THINK THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
AND WHY AM I WRITING IN ALL CAPS?

very succesful first blog entry!

okay nevermind imma start writing for real now
so christmas break has started... i'm listening to my playlist from 2 years ago... maybe i should pirate download some of those to put on my ipod...
i don't know, building this website has been very interesting- AHHHH THE WRITING'S NOT WRITING.
IT'S THE MUSIC. I HAVE NOTICED THIS BEFORE. MY WRITING IS ALWAYS HORRIBLE WHEN I'M LISTENING TO MUSIC.
I'M TOO LAZY TO TURN IT OFF SO YEAH. THAT'S IT FOR NOW.

okay so i continued to work on my site and now i have decided to also add images into this blog... why Not???

(i have actually rediscovered some new songs... if you've got an old playlist laying around, go check it out! you might surprise yourself...)












so i have FINALLY cleaned my room after DAYS of putting it off (yes, days is a lot for me... i'm that type of person haha) and it's like i can see clearly again! idk maybe it is because of the playlist.. but either way, i think i now have the opportunity to 'start over'. now that it's finally christmas break and i've finished all my tests i am... free. the only thing i 'have' to do is to work on my artwork for the A.I. (not artificial intelligence (ew), it is a sort competition between 4 schools in which they compete in various categories: performing arts, visual arts, lingual arts, chess/dams, etc.), which i'm actually very excited about so yes, i am free. (let's just hope that i don't waste this free time now)